Reflect on a conversation you recently had with someone — anyone who comes to mind, on any subject – who clearly enjoyed talking more than listening. How did you feel during that conversation? Afterward? Were there things you wanted to contribute? Questions you wanted to ask? Points you wish had been clarified?
Now, think of another conversation you really enjoyed, because you were a participant. What do here you suppose contributed to your http://varley.net/online/ enjoyment? A stimulating subject matter, a sense of humor, a clever companion can all contribute to a memorable encounter. But also consider why you recall the experience.
In large part it was because you were present and participating, because you were both speaking and listening. Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. When they aren’t speaking they’re waiting to speak.
Let’s examine the key fundraising skill of active listening. You can, and should, go into any conversation with goals in mind, but don’t let those goals get in the way of something not anticipated, something truly valuable that might come up. Keep your focus on what your prospect has to say. If you are merely waiting for a pause so you can say what’s on your agenda you really aren’t listening, are you?
If, through the course of the conversation, what you hear continues to agree with your anticipated agenda, then good for you. But if your prospective donor has something else to say it is in your best interest to hear it and understand it. It just might lead you in a better direction while still satisfying your goals.
Invite your new prospect to tell her story, to reminisce. Listen for signals that might connect with your goals. But don’t interrupt. Listen with your eyes. Eye contact and body language speak loudly. Studies show that nearly 90 % of all communication is, in fact, non-verbal. The words just reinforce what you see.
Listen for emotion, for inflection, for volume, for pauses that suggest thought and commitment.
Learn to value the pauses. They almost always indicate that your prospect is seriously considering what has just been said. You do not want to interrupt this.
Seek to clarify what you hear before you respond. Invite your prospect to confirm that you understand: “I want to make sure I understand. What I heard was (and you restate it) Is that right?”
Then it’s safe to reply. It also sends a clear message that you are listening and that you want to understand. This is true empathic listening.
You certainly want to enter each new relationship with intentions and goals in mind. Allow what you learn during each donor journey to inform how you get there, to value the human factor in relationship building, to value the emotional components of your work as much as you do the factual.
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Steven Covey, from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People